Life's being a bore

My bad, the last entry was No.4 not No.3 . . not that you care anyway.

We live in life full of contradictions, don't we?

I mean, our education system is a paradox in itself. It really doesn't make sense if you think about it; you study Pure Science and at the same time educate yourself on Religious Studies? I mean, Science is Science, Religion is Religion, mixing the two together would be like adding oil onto water. If you're a pagan living in some obscure cave somewhere along the rocks of Mount Kinabalu, religion's your thing, right? Science would simply justify that religion is wholly subjective and a bloody fake. Fact is, religion's based on faith. How the hell are you supposed to teach faith? If it's there, it's there. If it isn't, then to hell with it. It's not something you can teach in school and impose on the students, that's just stupid. To force them to follow something without rhyme or reason, the excuse of "Oh that's what we're supposed to do".

I'm not a devout Christian that's for sure. But nor am I an atheist or am I an agnostic; I used to think I truly and honestly believed that Jesus Christ is my Life and Saviour . . .  uh but somewhere along the way I think I kinda lost it. And I haven't gained it back. And I don't think it's ever coming back for the next few years. But I do believe in end days, though. It scares me, really it does. Sometimes I don't know if I'm a fool for believing and not believing.

I'm a freaking contradiction. 

God created the universe. No lah, the universe originated from the Big Bang. We came from Adam and Eve. Idiot, we evolved from apes-lah. Johnny Depp's an angel. Uh, can't argue with that, but he's also a product of total hotness liek.

Not that I'm an expert on either one just that it doesn't makes any sense.

But I have to go finish that Add Math project. Written a whole lot of crap. I'm a hypocrite hohohoho. Why the hell am I taking so long to finish this project lityir76)(&

Right, entry no.3,

also because Blogdrive is having a mood swing and I'm bored.

So I'm facing the computer screen on a Saturday afternoon, butt hurting, Add Math project in a minimized window and waiting to take off to Midvalley. If this is not the epitome of depressing then I don't know what is. And my lips are so dry, where's vaseline when I neeed it.

Actually I'm beginning to fancy Xanga *imagines Shawny with a "I told you so!" face* 

. . don't push it. =.=

I'm so sad Craig left So you think you can dance. Craig is so happy. Those teeth are so happy. Hell he could be on Darlie's front ad!

Right.

I'm sorry, my muse just went out to lunch so. It's not been behaving anyway, bloody thing.

So things-to-do for the holidays is:

1. Earn a million bucks.
2. Read the short story & poems + Importance of Being Earnest + Lord of the Flies
3. Which equals a lot of stress because seriously, I'm not being the avid reader I used to be these few months.
4. Fangirl over Johnny Depp. Actually I can do that right now.
5. I don't know, stare at some fly and sleep?
6. I am so not working it at being funny. Har-har.
7. I'd like to do that "Send a Thank You card to the prefects for their unlimited attention. . ." in the mag though.
8. Uhm.
9. Learn Icelandic. . . . that'd be so cool.

Actually I could do with just sleeping, it's been a luxury I've not been able to afford for like the WHOLE year.

And I can add harassing Nick to the list.

Oh I'm being oh so amusing today, yes you are, dear, yes you are.

Ok, my Add Math project beckons, that window just calls for me to maximize, that mouse just screams for my clicking- and what else is there to eat in Mid Valley? I'm so hungry.

Dammit, I have to finish my project by today. TA'.

I want to vent

And I'm doing it here because Blogdrive has bailed out on me.

See, I'm slacking off BIG time because there's no studying at school tomorrow and . . . wait a minute, they did say that the Merdeka celebrations only starts after recess, meaning before recess . .

Let's not be morbid now shall we.

It's so hard to express myself.

I can't do that; not through writing, not through speech, not through drawing, not through anything. I just can't do it, it's so hard. It's so hard to talk to my parents. Since the day I got elected as Vice MIC, I never told them anything, not until today, which is like eons after the AGM ok, and they never ask because I never say anything which is why we barely know each other despite the fact we live under the same bloody roof.  

It's not the age gap. I swear it's not the age gap.

Just that I find it so hard to talk about things and iron all the shit out between us. Look I'm not having issues with them when I yell or when I throw tantrums, I'm having issues with myself. Myself, that's it. I face so much shit in school and the slightest things people say or do irks me, plus considering the fact I'm so friggin' paranoid, I always have this ominous feeling everyone hates me or such, but it's a phase, it'll pass, I hope. I don't like what I've become sometimes and when I come home, I let it out on them, you know, I can't vent to or verbally abuse (hyperbole) my friends because I care too much what other people think of me, other people besides the two that have been with me my entire life.

And it's ironic. Why am I pleasing people I know I most possibly will have temporary relations with rather than the people that will probably be with me till the day I graduate or die (unlikely but who knows)? 

Can you believe I actually thought of calling up the dudes from Befrienders or something or go see a shrink or just pull some stupid mamak on the street and telling them all my problems and then just pay them and walk off or something?

. . . don't be surprised if I do that to you one day.

And no, I don't like being angsty and morbid and "depressed", sad more like it lah, I like being happy, oh happy happy joy joy happy happy joy (god I actually miss Ren and Stimpy) but it's so hard. So very very very very hard.

I just sleep, to run away from it all. So easy to escape, close your eyes and bye bye reality, hello pandaland.  

My sleep patterns are improving. I think. So are my eating habits. I also think. And my hair is healthier.

Ok the last one is so not true.

Damn sakit hati that day; I was at my desk, occupying myself by staring into space and playing with my hair and I tugged it so slightly, ever so slightly, like how much force you actually use to pick up a ear butt, and it broke. IT BROKE. JUST LIKE THAT.

Half the strand of my hair went snap! and I was still in awe by how brittle it was and I bloody cock stared at the limp, snapped piece (or whatever stupid simpulan lah) in the palm of my hand thinking HOW CAN HAIR BE THAT BRITTLE

Ah.

I feel so much better.

Bill Gates got charged with child pornography before, liek, omgguh.

Lethargic, lethargic, lethargic

So I did say I'll never use Xanga.

But knowing me, I never stick to my word, so. .  <-- hey, cool, you can even exploit the smileys here!

Love Arrested Development, doesn't everyone? Sad it was ended though.

What is so wrong with martial arts and Christianity, tell me? So what if you're a freakin' Christian, martial arts are for pure self-defense if not for religious reasons, and majority of people who practise it do it for the former, I don't see what's the problem, major, major pissed off lah.

Anyway, I love Arrested Development. And Johnny Depp. And Logan Lerman. And uh, Matt Long. And Adrien Brody.

"Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals." - AD Narrator.

Catch Arrested Development weekly, Friday Nights at 10.30 pm, only on 8tv.

Boo.

I can't believe I got a Xanga acc. just to leave comments on Shawny's blog . .

Well. Anyway. Nothing changes my perception.

Xanga still sucks. *runs 4710 67067067209462599999 miles away*

. . fine fine, I take that back.

It isn't as bad as I thought it would be.

Which is . . I'm not even supposed to be here. Gawd.